Moving forward, even if I’m crawling.

Hey everyone, it’s Shoji here. I’m sure this is where Steph writes all her thoughts, but I’m her thought-form so I count as her thoughts too, right? ^^ I’m sure she won’t mind.

Is it in the next few moments that my life is decided?
Is it in that scrap of paper that’s supposed to dictate?
Is that what I’ve been doing for the past four years?
Is this the end of me?

You guys are Stephu-nee’s friends right? She’s been totally weird lately. I mean, she’s weird but she’s just moping around doing nothing. Okay, she’s been watching KHR and being happy whenever this guy called Gokudera appears.. Is that normal? O_o

But she hasn’t been thinking very much. I wish Nami-nii-chan was here. He knows Steph longer and better than I do. But I know this isn’t like the Steph that opened my box.

She usually thinks and writes a lot. About her day and about many things. She tells me it’s because she needs to ‘let it out’ in some way. I don’t get it, but now she’s just blank. Empty.

I wonder if it’s because of something Chloe-nee sent her. I don’t think so, though.

I know the ‘O levels’ is this big test that Stephu just took, right? But she knew all along that the results are near. I wonder what’s bugging her. Maybe she’ll tell Nami-nii, but it seems to me that she’s trying to distract herself. But she says it’s cos ‘Gokudera’s hot.’… whatever that means. ._.”

She told me last year’s O level results that she witnessed. Stephu felt so scared for them, even though she wasn’t the one taking it. I don’t know how it’s supposed to feel, but my guess is something like a bad stomachache and a heart attack and the feeling like you’re going to fall, the way she describes it.

But Stephu-nee’s gonna be fine, right? It’s really dumb for your life to be decided on a piece of paper. It’s only a piece of paper, right? I don’t know what happened before I came, Nami-nii isn’t here so I can’t ask him. But even if she doesn’t do well, it’s gonna be fine right?

Stephu-nee’s friends too.. They’ll be okay. She says they studied way harder than her. Stephu says that God holds her future. God must be awesome, then. I’m counting on you, God, to make Steph normal again.. >_<

Steph says having faith is believing in something that you can’t see. Kind of like me trusting Steph not to drop me when I’m sitting in the dark bag.

God isn’t gonna drop you, Stephu.

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